What was I thinking?

It sucks being in love with someone. They have all the power in the world to hurt you. I made the mistake of talking to Woody about everything and now he just can't stop being angry at me. I am not entirely sure why he hasn't broken up with me. He lets me kiss him and he says I love you too but you can tell he is pissed and I am just waiting for the bomb to drop.

why?

Why did I move here? Why did I think that anything would have changed? I guess I was an idiot. Woody and I talked yesterday about Sara and I thought we were doing ok but then when I asked if I ever asked him to please stop talking to someone because it really bothered me would he... he then got all mad at me and said I was trying to control his life and now this morning he is not talking to me. Why doesn't he understand how much it hurts me that he talks to Sara? He admitted to me that he still has feelings for her and that he would think about being with her if she left her husband. How am I supposed to be comfortable with that? I wonder if he even loves me. I have been crying off and on today. I want to ask him why he is so mad at me but I know it will just cause him to yell at me and probably tell me what a horrible human being I am. I really thought we would be so happy here. Now I am just waiting for him to leave me. I am so miserable. I guess once I get a job, I will just start saving to leave and go back to Washington. I really hate my life right now.

I give up

This is less about baby making and more about how I think Woody and I will be done soon. I think he is in love with another woman. I know I am a little emotional because I am on my period and that means yet again Woody and I failed to make a baby but I feel like he is hiding things from me and that now that he is back in South Carolina that he is going to go back to being with his old girlfriend Sara. I just don't know what to do. I know I can't stop him from cheating or leaving me for her but it is killing me. I am not even sure if he loves me right now or is just staying with me out of obligation since I moved across country for him. I am so depressed. I know they talk about thinks that are not what one married person with two kids and one person in a serious relationship and trying to have a kid is supposed to talk about. I really don't know what to do. I guess I will just have to bury my head in the sand and hope he doesn't leave me or hope he doesn't sleep around and give me a VD.