Hurt

I didn't cry myself to sleep last night but I am still really hurt this morning. I feel like if I lose weight now it will only be to please Woody. I don't know how I feel about being with someone who loves me when I look pleasing to him. What will happen when I do get pregnant and I am all huge and pregnant? Will he still like me then? Will he be trying to make me lose weight while pregnant, so I don't get too fat? We are about to move across the country and now I am worried he may not even want me to move with him. I guess I need to talk to him, I just don't know what to say. I know he was in a bad mood last night but does that excuse bad behavior? Does it excuse making me feel like I am the most unattractive person ever? I don't know.. I do know I am hurt.

Not Pregnant..

Well I was not pregnant. I guess my boobs were just in the mood to be super sore and big, or maybe it was because I am just one huge fat girl like my boyfriend just basically called me. Apparently I am starting to look like his mom and that he doesn't like playing with my rolls or seeing my fat dimples. I admit I have gained weight but I think I am about the same weight I was when we started dating. I feel like shit. I love him no matter what he looks like, now apparently I know he only loves me if I look like he wants me to. We should be having sex right now. I know I am ovulating either today or tomorrow but now I can't imagine getting naked near him, not when I look like his mother.. wow... I feel like crying. I thought the person who loves you is supposed to lift you up, not make you feel like a whale who should be pushed out to sea. I don't even know what else to say. I guess no baby this month.. probably not the next too. I mean would you want to have sex with a whale? O god I can't wait to go to bed and just cry myself to sleep... :(